Funny. Cheer up goodies...

www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno
/fruitcake_lady/

Good advice from a spicy grandma....

No fun, my babe, no fun....

So I have been ignoring my computer for about a week now. I just hit a real low place this past week that drained me emotionally and physically. So in this I have laid around or gone out to see a lot of movies (Driving in Cars with Boys, A Clockwork Orange, the rest of Buffy season 1, Constantine, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and the Corpse Bride).

Nothing tragic or physical has happened the past week for me to get low.....it just happened. And old heart-ache and anger towards my ex really burdened my heart. I just get so upset sometimes over feeling so wasted. Like I wasted a lot of myself for nothing......and he wasted a lot of me. I am happy with myself and ok with being single right now. But I really don't think I'll be able to get over the actual heart-ache until someone comes along. Some guy that I really like and who can show me how a girl should be treated. And who also treats himself right........ I don't know if I will ever find someone like this. I cried to my mom on the phone last night about how my heart felt so lonely at the moment. I asked her stupidly, "Mom am I ugly or something?"....I just can't understand why I haven't found someone who will treat me right and why guys in my past treated me like crap a lot of times. Am I not as special as I think I am? Am I not worth it? That wrapped up in my lack of faith and not understanding why I'm even on this earth anymore (not knowing my place or purpose anymore) really had me boo-hooing over the phone. Mom talked to me and calmed me down and told me that she has those same feelings about my Dad (anger and sadness), herself (wondering if there was something wrong with her for things to go so wrong), and life (not understanding what her purpose is outside of just going to work and coming home and surviving). Luckily we ended up laughing since we started talking about and listening to clips of the fruitcake lady from Jay Leno.

Alright, time for rest. To rest the mind and heart. Sleep well everyone......let me know if you need prayer.......especially if it's some of the same things I'm dealing with. Then atleast you'll know someone who can relate is out there thinking about you.

I 'heart' Todd!

Oh my gosh! HGTV now has a show featuring the craftiness of Todd Oldham!!! He is so awesome..... He used to do bits on House of Style on MTV. The only other things I've seen him do lately is have a space in each issue of Readymade (awesome magazine) and design furniture for Lazyboy. Just got finished watching his show tonight and am already inspired to do some sort of craft....... Thank you HGTV for putting Todd on the tv!!!!

Coldplay......

Well I got up early yesterday so that I could get to work and leave at 4pm. While getting ready they came over the radio and announced the Birmingham and Tampa Coldplay shows were being cancelled. Chris Martin (lead singer) had been diagnosed with a respiratory virus. Ticketmaster and the Coldplay website have advised ticketholders to keep hold of their tickets. The Coldplay website says that they are looking at coming back through Birmingham to make up for the cancellation. I was bummed but I understand it cause of illness being involved. I'll keep you posted on if they do decide to have another concert here....

Sigur Ros has just come out with a new album titled Takk. This is an amazing band out of Iceland. Matt and I saw them years ago at the Tabernacle in Atlanta. So if you are familiar with Sigur Ros' sound (singer is known for using a language he created called Hopelandic-mix of Icelandic and vocal sounds- and for playing the guitar with a cello bow) you can imagine how amazing the concert was with the Tabernacle's acoustics. Here is a link for the first video off of the album. They always have such amazing videos... I got chill bumps at the end where the song just rocks out.
http://www.emichrysalis.co.uk/quicktime/sigur_ros/
glosoli/index.php?version=6.510&bandwidth=5600

Skipping around through various Radiohead cds tonight. To your left are a few goodies partaken of.....tried out a new Arizona green tea. Or it's new to me, I hardly stop at gas stations and go in to snag beverages. I trotted into Rite Aid after work today for some peroxide. (My peircing on the top of my left ear tried to close.........trying to doctor it at the moment, ouch! Funny, I have seven peircings...... sounds like a lot, but they're all in my ears. Although I wouldn't mind a cute tiny silver stud in my nose....but el Corporato Nationales would think it's muy mal, har har.-yes, I love to use bad Spanish.) Well, while in Rite Aid I saw some Arizona Pomegranate green tea....very tasty. I've never eaten an actual pomegranate but they've always appeared like a very honest-mysterious-passionate fruit of sorts on the inside. And I've always thought the outside of the fruit (in it's entirity) looks like the 'burning hearts' you see in hispanic religious art. Goodie el numero dos was finishing off a box of tropical dots. Yum Yum......they were still fresh and soft........

Recycling: I finally went downtown to the recycling center. It felt awesome to see other people out there sorting out their recycling into the designated bins. Felt like we were trying to help out somehow with the state of things. I hadn't been there before so the man in charge for the day helped me with my bags of stuff. He said he'd sort it for me and showed me the different bins for the next time I come down. He was this tall large guy in overalls, trucker hat, long scraggly hair and beard. The kind of guy most people would be scared of. But I was comforted as I usually am around this type of person. I guess that's the Texan coming out in me. But yes, I was so excited to recycle!!!!!! Woo-hoo.........and stuff.

Guys: So this guy working at World Market said I looked familiar. He thought my name might be Rachel but when I told him I had only been here for 3 months and my name was Cindy, he realized the mistaken identity. Was it a line to reel me in? Nah. Don't think so....but we did exchange our college degrees (his was music) and debates on what to do and grad school. He was pretty nice.........if he was hitting on me I doubted it (especially with my warped thinking due to a migraine I had been carrying around for the past two hours.) Gosh, girls and guys are so weird. And I totally hate the dating scene. That whole picking up people totally weirds me out. It's fine to chit-chat-get to know each other-even throw in a little coyness in there ever-so-often.....but to go out on a date immediately is odd to me. I guess (as I always have) I feel like this totally odd girl compared with others. And that in order for me to date it has to be that destined/attracted/meant to be/who God has for me thing. This explains why I don't date and have only dated two people my whole life. But yeah, boys are weird, girls are weird, dating is weird, meeting people to potentialy date is weird, etc. And sigh, my step-family I believe is starting their mission to find me a good man.........sorry to say that the type of men they are looking for are most likely not my type. So I just smile and say thanks but I can handle it on my own.

Work: I broke down on Monday and voiced my dislike of my manager's lack of managerial skills to a friend at work. I'm tired of this merger and how everything is one-sided. Sad to say that the one-side the company is moving towards is horribly unorganized. But they demand that it must be done that way because it worked in their old company........well, if that's the case....we're doomed.

Coldplay is Friday. Hooray!

Playing Dress Up

Well, Halloween is approaching and it's time for me to start thinking about a costume.....ha. Ok, so I went as Bjork in 2002, LeeLoo in 2003, and Alice Resident Evil/Apocalype in 2004.....so what's next? Post your suggestions. Aeon Flux is out since the movie has been pushed back to December. Here's a few I have running in my head, but i would love more options.
Run Lola Run
Darcy from Smashing Pumpkins
Kill Bill-Yellow Jumpsuit (I fear this costume is probably tired now.)

You Win some, You Lose some...

Well, no plants........... I got home and tried out a recipe for Chicken and Sweet Potato frittata (kind of like a quiche with chicken, grated sweet potato, and swiss cheese). Eh, not that great..... It ended up tasting really sweet with the sweet potato and swiss cheese combination. So I can mark that one off in my cookbook.

But it is still a good night---because it's Reno 911 marathon night! If you're not familiar with the show, it's like a Cops show following a sheriff's department in Reno, Nevada. A few of the people on the show are from the comedy sketch show The State. The State used to be on MTV back in the early 90's. Reno's great...... My brother got me into it. I always forget when it's on so I am glad that I was able to catch the marathon.

Swept and mopped the kitchen and bathroom. Ate a salad (lettuce, radishes, carrots) w/ real bacon bits, croutons, and buttermilk ranch dressing....plus some hummus and flat bread...yum. Then had a few chocolate & white chip cookies with milk....double yum. Now for a shower and a trip to Walmart for some plants...hoorah!

Trying to Make the Hum-drum a Home...

Well, I got a good bit done today.....I guess. The fact that my apartment is still not together is a bother, but all in due time. I finally tossed a plant that just wasn't going to make it by my chartreuse (not exactly green) thumb......I'm not the best with gardening so if it's not a hearty plant, it may soon join the others in plant heaven. Ha! I still have three so I'm doing pretty good. I vacuumed the living room, moved my chair and couch (yes, I moved a couch all by myself-'cindy flexs girl muscles'), and laid out a seafoam colored rug. Now to dismantle the ole entertainment center so that I can get it to Goodwill along with a few other things. I finally found a wreath hook for my door. So I spray-painted it black and now my glorious "made by Cindy" wreath adorns my front door, woo-hoo!

I'm slowly trying to make this space a home eventhough no place has felt like home in a long while.

Caught some hip-Christian talk/Conan O'Brien esque show on one of the Christian channels tonight. Really weird. I just haven't related with the Christian sect in a while. If any of my old friends are reading this, are you suffering this syndrome also? Is this what is making (and has made me for the past few years) feel lost and/or separated from the church/Christ? Is it because I just don't relate? I think the pop-culture of Christianity started losing me around the time of all the big worship rallies/festivals and the twenty-million contemporary praise and worship albums that came out towards the end of my college career. It's like every church service is like one big praise and worship rally. Don't get me wrong, praise and worship is important....but I've got to where i'd just rather sit in someone's living room, chilling out, and having an actual bible study. Where you actually study the bible........not some self-help quote or story to help you understand what the bible and/or Christ is trying to tell you. It seems like the church has been so focused on happity-doo-dah let's sing contemporary praise and worship songs for an hour that I don't get a chance to learn about God. I guess it felt like I was just at church to hear how beautiful my voice was or how well my and my pew neighbor can harmonize or outsing each other. So I just quit looking for a church.

Alright time for a little tv and then off to sleep. Keep your thoughts and prayers on those still waiting for help in LA, MS, and AL. I love all of you guys. Thank you for looking out for me Christ....I know you are still keeping an eye on me-even when I feel cut-off from those feelings I used to have.
c

Hurricane Katrina

The recent disaster has really left me at a loss for words. If I haven't spoken with or text messaged you, yes I am fine. I was really surprised at how rough it was here in Birmingham AL Monday night. I think everyone (AL, MS, and LA) really did not expect what Hurricane Katrina was about to bring. With the bands that we received here in Birmingham, I can't imagine what the residents on the coast were experiencing.

I think this is also personally devastating because these areas (Mobile, bay area) have really felt like my true home. It really puts things in perspective when you see the Mobile bayfront park you used to hang out at late at night under water, the bridge you used to drive over-windows down-music blaring-damaged, or the street you and friends strolled through in New Orleans destroyed.

So if I can't go down to help what can I do? Give. If you haven't already, donate donate donate. It doesn't matter how small or how large just give from your heart. www.redcross.org Here's a few things to think about.
-I've decided a total amount I would like to contribute. So over the next four paychecks I am going to donate a fourth.
-Skip going out to lunch for a week. Instead drop the money in a jar, deposit the money to your account at the end of the week, and donate the total.
-Instead of going out this week to a movie, restaurant, or pub put that money towards a donation.
It doesn't matter how much you donate, every bit counts to giving someone a place to sleep, a meal to eat, and medical care. Be a shepherd over those that are in need.

Other things to think about:
I've been meaning to post some things lately but just have never gotten around to it. I'm not an all-natural hippy type, but I really feel like we abuse the earth. The more I've looked around over the past two years I see so much waste, over indulgence, etc. One thing that has really been on my mind is recycling. Unfortunately, my complex doesn't offer recycling but I have decided to do it anyway. Think about all the things we simply toss that could be recycled: coke cans, newspapers, cardboard paper towel and toilet paper rolls, cereal boxes, plastic milk and soda bottles, etc. Why not run those things by your local recycling center on your way to the store or on your next visit to Starbucks? Also, why do we waste so much gas. Sure, you've got to get to work or run to the store or even an afternoon drive. But sometimes I feel like we make things more difficult than they should be. If you see an extremely long line at the drive-thru, why not just park and walk inside? That would save a little bit of gas and cut down on air pollution. Why cruise the Walmart parking lot over and over trying to get that perfect parking spot? Even if the spot is a little bit farther away it gives you a great opportunity to get a little exercise. Especially since so much of America is overweight and/or unhealthy. Instead of everyone driving in their own car to all go to the same place, maybe because you just like being in charge in your own vehicle, why not all ride together? Just have patience and respect for whoever is driving. Why do restaurants give you way too much food? Just things to think about.

People need to just love and respect each other.......and respect the planet we live on. I love all of you guys and am so glad those of you down in Mobile are ok. Everyone be sure to take care of each other, pray tonight for the victims of the hurricane and those that are still stranded tonight, and give any help you can by donating to the Red Cross.

Love you guys,
cindy