A Need for Words...

(listening to Sunny Day Real Estate's album Diary. 1993, I haven't listened to this in years...)

Just feel like I need to write (or type, whatever) to release words from my mind. I've been really frustrated and angry lately....... It's those steps the Jones' and I learned about in Death in Dying........ I'm currently on Anger. It's seems like when things happen to me they all happen at once. I have a lot of stress on me right now, and realizing the crap that I put up with in the past with 'someone' has gotten me irritated. Wow, I was too good of a woman...... So, enough of the melodrama....I feel like writing (Dosh this is for you since I haven't written in so long)...........just going to type, no thought, no correction, just let it be for now......

i try to contain this within me
this neverending turnaround of pain and irritation
burns on my back for not turning away soon enough
and memories burned into my heart for giving away my self

..leaving me alone, nothing inside, laying down, breathing slow
trying to remember what or who i am
warm tears falling down my face
and rain crashing on my back

fingers gripping the ground to feel the earth's love
to feel like God is somewhere underneath my skin
in my heart that's no longer beating...
that's no longer sighing, no more sight

'silent' is a good choice when you don't want to talk about it
church pew preaching at someone who used to know so well
i feel so lost but only want the spirit to find me
and help me get back what i then gave away.
...

some verse from Sunny Day.....
"Seven"
sew it on. face the fool
december's tragic drive
when time is poetry
and stolen the world outside
the waiting could crush my heart.

sew it on. face the fool
the tide breaks a wave of fear
and brave songs disappear
to the secret voice of dawn
this last time raise my eyes.

you'll taste it, you'll taste it...in time
you'll taste it, you'll taste it...in time
you'll taste it, you'll taste it...in time
the right words, in time.

sew it on. face the fool
the mirrors lie those aren't my eyes
destroy them raise my hand
reflected in savage shards
a new face a soul reborn.

you'll taste it, you'll taste it...in time
you'll taste it, you'll taste it...in time
you'll taste it, you'll taste it...in time
the right words, in time.

"in circles"
meet me there, in the blue
where words are not
and feeling remains.
sincerity, trust in me...
to throw myself into your door.

circles.....running down...i go in circles....running down.....i go in circles....running down.

meet me there, in the blue
where words are not
and feeling remains.
i dream.....to heal your wounds,
but i bleed myself.....but i bleed myself.

circles.....running down...i go in circles....running down.....i go in circles....running down.

remains