I am so tired all of the time. I have the hardest time getting to sleep and waking up. This has been going on for months........ I feel like I have the "City of Angels" syndrome; that I'll never get a full nights rest until I lay down with someone's arm around me. Making me feel like I'm not alone, that I'm safe, that I'm loved, and that no matter what dilemmas I'm dealing with (job, money, worry, sadness...) that someone is there to go through it with me. It's not that I just want anyone there holding on to me....my heart isn't shallow in its desire for love. I don't miss Matthew because he was just someone there in my life.....I miss him because I still have memories of when we were happy. When he was happy being in love with me and I loved him. I know I talk about it all the time here, but bare with me........... It's taking me so long to stop missing him and stop wondering if I'll make it through. .....still dream about him almost every night. He was very prominent last night. I dreamt that I was out shopping in a store and he showed up turning the corner. I was in shock and didn't know what to do. He seemed happy to see me but happy without me.....that he had gotten over me and was getting on with his life. I was devastated and felt hurt.........but......oh, I don't know. Needless to say I didn't sleep well last night either.
No comments:
Post a Comment