You've Lost that Loving Feeling

Here's one little photo from mine and Jason's trip to Washington D.C. This was in Georgetown at a park beside the Potomac River. And that is a yummy half eaten pistachio tart! It was a much needed trip. Ofcourse, I could have been a happier person but I did get some de-stressing done. It's been a tough couple of months. I've rolled into this wave of "down in the dumps" again. Jason has been very sweet and understanding. We've attempted some counseling which has quickly after two meetings turned solely into "cindy counseling". Yep, I'm the messed up one. How would you guess?! ha I've pretty much gotten to this point where I really have no clue who I am anymore. I had such a strong sense of self in my early twenties, then I had 8 years of a relationship that drained a lot out of me, then I was left in mourning for years (and dreams that still haunt me to this day...had one just last night), and now I'm looking at myself asking "who in the world are you? why are you so caught up on who you used to be? be a new creation, it's ok to become someone new." But it's so hard. I'm at this point where I just feel lost and broken. I just need relief......I've been dealing with these feelings since I was around 12 years old.

I read some of my old posts from back in 2004. Rough stuff. That was such a dark time. I had to be so strong and stick to my guns. I rarely left my apartment except to go to the Ronish's house or out of town. How sad.

If you get a chance give God a little shout out for me. Church was awesome tonight and I really felt like God was talking through the sermon. I felt His love. Every day is a struggle. I will overcome these feelings. Just gottah keep keepin' on.

Love you guys.

-c