"I will not take these things for granted...."

So it was late last night (way past my bedtime) so I set the VCR to record the remainder of 'Vanilla Sky'.

Then the end to a horrible/self-esteem kicking week of work closed out..........so after some retail therapy this evening, I curled up on the couch with my blanket and finished the movie.

Some thoughts............don't take people for granted, especially the ones you feel a deep love for. So many times we as 'humans' choose to experience something fleeting (drugs, being with someone else, selfishness, work, etc.) over the person we truly love. And sometimes, as said in the movie, you have to face the consequences of your actions. Tom Cruise's character made one fatal choice, despite his love for someone, that changed everything. After this twist of life-changing fate-Instead of getting his act together and trying to rebuild what he once had, he took another course of action -death (which you could say either ended a love that he could have regained, or you could say it needed to happen in order for him to one day down the road 'choose life' and what it really had to bring.)

It's sad to think about the moments I have missed sharing with people or having for myself because I was at the moment so caught up with 'me'. A good example of this is when Matt's highschool friend was going to be playing at a bar in Montgomery one night. For some reason I was petrified of going inside (low self-esteem)...........I totally felt like crap and really worthless...........I had let things that had happened overshadow who I thought I was and the kind of person "I" wanted to be........and had allowed others' mistakes to screw up my perception of myself and my own self-value. Because of that fear of going inside, I kept my boyfriend from seeing his old friend. I totally had a panic attack outside and wanted to walk home the ten or so miles back to my house. I still think about that and feel sorry for the way I acted. I felt like I screwed up that night.....

People, don't take anyone for granted..........treat them well with respect if you truly care for them......keep their feelings to heart.........and most importantly , respect yourself. We only have one life here on earth.........time is precious.....it can't be turned back. So spend your days, starting right now at this very moment, loving and respecting yourself - getting your life moving in the direction you want it to go - making amends with friends or family that you have hurt - taking time out to just sit for a moment and be cool with who you are - and take to heart the people that you deeply love. Life is fragile and so are hearts. So treat yourself and others well.........
If my Aunt Sylvia were here today she would probably put it like this, "Don't treat yourself or other's like s**t."
I love you Aunt Sib!
night,
c