(listening to Roadside Monument and starting a drawing) So I'm here with my crucifix around my neck and Dublin Rocks tshirt attempting to make one with my oil pastels, sketch pad, and easel after a 'more than a year' departure from anything artistic. Drawing a tree to the left hand side, thinking of Eden and God's regulation on the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.....and I just can't let go of this odd feeling. My trip to Mobile this past weekend was the strangest ever. I never feel uncomfortable when I go down there but this time was different. It wasn't Docia or Tony because I felt completely comfortable around them. But it seemed like everyone else was out of sorts. Last night was especially confusing..........feeling like someone was distant and not open with me. For once I was completely comfortable with myself but wondering if I was a letdown.......so weird. Human nature............ Or maybe everyone is just going through something major. I just went home with leftovers of odd feelings not knowing what I did wrong for it to be such a strange visit.

I prayed for God to take the confusion away from me...............so that I could see truth.

Somedays I feel so hopeless and then somedays I feel like God is near. I felt as if something is to be revealed to me in the next 12 months while I was praying; guessing that this was the Holy Spirit whispering through the cobwebs in my heart. 12 months? Strange. One thing I know is that I'll have to make a decision about moving by the end of the year so I'll know what I'm doing when my job ends. My job will be over at the beginning of February. It may even be sooner, but we have been told that we will still receive pay like we're working through February. That way I could get another job (that's fun) and put that money into savings. What are my options in moving a boy asked me last night. Really I don't know. I want to make sure I'm not moving for other people. I've been doing for 'other people' for years and now I feel like I don't have any purpose. Please keep this in your prayers if anyone is reading this.........I have a lot to think about between now and my self-induced deadline for the end of the year.

(walks back over to the easel, picks up a graphite stick and starts drawing again)