Neo and Trinity

Feeling sort of sad. Got home tonight, ate some left-over Chinese, flipped on the tv and the Matrix was on. I caught the last 30 minutes and am now watching the Animatrix. It makes me feel sad that ******* and I could not work it out. (Me deciding to walk away and he pushing me away annually like clockwork) It's the first time I have watched Animatrix or any of the films without him. In relation to a lot of things, it's as if a big chunk of my heart has been removed and is now missing. An execution of my own will..........what did he expect each time he pushed me to the edge? I feel numb right now, throat is tense trying not to cry because I've done so well so far. Three months two and a half weeks of my heart being unplugged, numb, tore up, lifeless, and sad. Asking why all of this had to happen. It sucks being the one to walk away, to call it quits, to let the other go. Because you know you had control of the situation and decided to let him go. To know how much you love him but that it's safer for you to turn your back and not look behind. To erase the pain along with the beauty and joy you once had. / Please rent Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It is coming out September 28th. ******* and I went to Atlanta to try and catch a show (you might say concert) on a whim a long time ago. Well, the box office had closed by the time we made it, which was just 30 minutes late, so we decided to see a movie while in town. We went to a mall and saw that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind had been released. Living in Montgomery meant that it would probably be a month, if at all, before it came to the theaters so we decided to see it. We were so excited. Well, we left there utterly amazed. It was a beautiful movie, amazing music, but most important was the story. If you have ever had to 'walk away' from someone that you loved deeply you will relate to this film. Or if you want to know what I am going through right now, it will explain a lot.

You wish so badly you could just erase them from your mind and heart so the pain wouldn't suffocate you.................
http://www.eternalsunshine.com/
http://www.lacunainc.com/ for information on "the procedure".
Although I am heartbroken I wouldn't want to erase the past 8 years. He meant a lot to me and I hope that he felt love.

I miss him but what was there left for me to do? You can be someone's soul-mate but when they allow the hurt and spitefulness to infiltrate the relationship, there's not a battle you can win................ Plus, me being by his side did not help him succeed over his confusions. So, me sacrificing the relationship meant that hopefully he could find peace on his own and be happy within himself down the road. I just hope that I find that also.

(saves entry, shuts down computer............wipes eyes and curls up in the bed to sleep away the sadness)