A Rough Day at the Office starts the Trickle Down...

So, I had a rough afternoon at work today. I am very thankful for my job but the department I'm in is stressful. Well, I guess I could say it's the people I work with are the source of my stress. I have never worked in an area so full of drama, gossip, backstabbing, etc. It's like some of the people I'm referring to act like they honestly care, but if they're in a gossipy mood anyone is up to be the target. Plus, I worry everyday about losing my job earlier than expected. Like I'm going to say the wrong thing or screw up something and be ditched. I just pray that God holds this job out through February...... (slips Aaron Sprinkle's album "Bareface" into the cd drive) I slipped and talked about something at work today and worry that people will use it against me. Because where I work "anything you say or do will eventually be used against you".

Well, the worries over my job got me down and I started thinking about all the hurt I have inside. I think about how/what ****** is doing now. I thought about calling his mom or sister just to make sure he is ok but I can't bring myself to it. I guess what I am realizing is that he broke my heart (eventhough I was the one who called it quits). I guess when your heart finally falls apart you just have to walk away. Then at times I get so angry at him for not getting his self (<---- sometimes I want to say something bad here) together. And if he loved me why didn't he respect me enough to not break my heart in the past, get things together for a year and then let things fall apart all over again.

Then my mind wonders to how frustrated I get with people and the world. Sex is a beautiful thing and I don't understand why people deface it. People have sex casually with people they don't care about, girls are obsessed with trying to be sexy and get attention from guys, the male/female relationship is becoming an oddity amongst a relaxed sexual generation, people cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends/wives/husbands, girls go after boys eventhough they know the boy has a girlfriend sitting at home, people don't respect sex in the light of pregnancy and aids thinking that it can be fixed by a pill or procedure. We have become such a self-indulgent and narcistic society that we only think of our desires and don't think about how our actions can hurt those that we love. I'm just so worn out on it all. This leaving me to wonder amongst all the junk if a guy will find me and love me honestly. And repectfully.

God please heal my heart and prepare me for whatever you have me to do. If it be single or to be married one day. Teach me to respect people despite their harsh words or gossip. Take these worries and wash them away. To those reading: grace is yours tonight, hold onto it tight and don't let the world rip it away.

c