Stress in my middle name.

Gosh, I am so stressed. I have a hard time getting to sleep at night and my complexion is screaming "ahhhhhh!!!!!!" I constantly lye in the debate over if this Birmingham thing is going to be a good thing. I might have a great gameface, but honestly I am terrified and feel really alone on this one. My dad and stepmother have been so helpful in looking for apartments during the week. And friends have offered to get me moved. But I still feel so alone on this. Yeah, it's a payroll job.....and probably just a job, but I have this need to survive. Because that's what I've been doing since I was in highschool. I get so tired sometimes....wishing that I didn't have to do it alone. That I could come home and have someone there to complain, vent, cry, or act goofy to......because if you don't already know, fish don't talk back. I just hate that feeling creeping in.....the aloneness. It's not just about someone being there (I still don't think I'm ready for all that drama again, ha)............I even feel it when people just don't get me...............or I can't find friends to enjoy thai food with (har har). Sometimes I feel like some type of oddball............but I'm ok with that.

I think sometimes that when you are going through something, the Darkness likes to creep out with his little bag of goodies. Pulling out trinkets of personalites or traits that really get you down. "Hmmmmm, let's see. Cindy is yet again going through another life changing event. In the past four years she has gone through 3 different positions with her company, two major break-ups with the same person, the ups and downs of her family, and has moved into 3 different apartments/homes and is now going for number 4. Oh, and let's not forget she feels abandoned by and as if she is abandoning her friends in Montgomery. Oh yeah, and here's that hourglass of time that counts down the minutes where she feels like she doesn't know what she is doing with her life. Oooooohhhhhh, and just for an extra punch to the jaw I'm going to slap a satchel of guilt on her back to remind her how good she really has it and that there's other people worse off......so she feels guilty everytime she starts complaining or venting." Ugh, I feel so guilty right now and have had a major crick in my back lately (ha).

Well, blah blah blah blah.............there's me right now. I'm off to bed for now........hopefully.
Tonight's prayer goes out the to those addicted to drugs. The need to self-medicate something that's deeper than just a good feeling. Pray for those struggling with addiction tonight. That their hearts will be warmed, that stomachs will not feel empty, and that their minds will be clear to seek help either tonight or in the morning.

amen,
c